Managing Mom Guilt: We are Growing and Learning Too

Last Updated on April 26, 2026 by Dr. Ashley Söderlund

Inside: When our kids are born, we are reborn as parents. We grow and develop right alongside our children. We are not meant to know everything or how to do everything as a parent, which is okay. Let the #momguilt go, and let yourself grow and thrive.

Once, I read something about how our children are our best teachers, and it struck a chord in me.

Our kids seem to have a knack for finding our weak spots, which are exactly where we need to grow. Just think of the last time your child tried your patience. Talk about a teachable moment, huh?

All those moments where you are checking yourself, regulating, and taking a breath are your lessons and chances to grow.

That is not to say we handle those trying situations perfectly (I sure don’t!). Let’s let the mom guilt go, give ourselves a little grace, and instead allow ourselves to grow and thrive.

Instead of questioning how we handle situations (and feeling guilty), what if we looked at those moments as our children, showing us where we need to grow, as our children raising us up. What a gift that would be.

A Different Perspective: Instead of Guilt, We Can Learn from Our Kids

They Teach Us to Slow Down

Seeing the world through a child’s eyes is a joy. Finding wonder in the small things. It’s an exciting event at our house when a new bird comes to the feeder, or the cardinals come together. My son has literally stopped me to smell the flowers.

We were in a Target parking lot the first time my son saw a rainbow — magic right there in the middle of normal everyday life. And yesterday, we saw a fire rainbow for the first time. I didn’t know what a fire rainbow was, but my son did and pointed it out to me — causing me to pause and wonder in awe.

As adults, this is our chance to see the world anew for a second time.

They Teach Us to Connect and Be Present

I am very introverted and even pretty shy at times. I’ve come a long way in overcoming my shyness, but my son has propelled me to the next level.

My son is decidedly NOT shy (although I see a little more reserve in him with age). We moved to a new city last year, and my son is why I have full conversations with my neighbors instead of just waving and why I know our mail woman and the checkout person at the grocery store.

His preschool friendships have led to friendships for me as well. I am constantly in conversations with people everywhere we go because he has greeted people and started talking. I realize that while I’ve been blessed with beautiful friends in my life, my son has rooted us in our community.

He’s given me a deep sense of place and belonging by forcing me out of my shell. At the bold age of three, he taught me important relationship skills by simply being present and open with those around him.

They Teach Us to Regulate Our Emotions

Kids know exactly which buttons to push and when to push them. I have grown a lot in terms of patience and curbing my temper through this parenting journey. And I have a lot more growing to do. I have learned to hold back, walk away, and let my frustration out in other ways. Most of all, I have learned to look at him, really look at him when he’s screaming or throwing a fit. Because behind all the fuss, I see his hurt and his sadness. Whether he is having an appropriate reaction or not, I’ve found a deep well of empathy inside myself for how he feels in those moments.

To be able to regulate my emotions to be his calm space — that is something that can transform a person. It is like waking up from reacting to the world and instead truly seeing the world. Becoming a parent changes us. Down to the very biochemical level, we are changed. We talk all the time about child development, but parents develop too– in very real and transformative ways (Read more on Midlife Brain Changes: Having a Child Changes Your Brain)

A state of change or transition in development is always a state of stress and growth. As a parent, we are in a stage of growth and challenge. Let’s rise to the challenge. Let’s think of ourselves as students in this role of parents and not experts. How could we know how to parent until we got here?

Let Go of the Mom Guilt

The other day, I was on the phone with a good friend who is a new mom. She was talking about self-doubt, the– “I know I shouldn’t feel bad about this, but I do; I feel like I should know what the right thing to do is” — all of the things we say to ourselves when baby won’t eat, sleep, fill in the blank here_____. I knew exactly how she felt. I said to her something like this…

It isn’t about knowing the right way to parent or doing the right thing; it is about caring for that little person so much that you want to do it “right.”

Whatever that right way may be (I guarantee there are several “right” ways to parent)– caring to do “right” will lead to learning from all those teachable moments, whatever you and your child’s “right” might be.  So, let’s stop beating ourselves up for not getting it right the first time and just start letting our children teach us and help us grow into better humans ourselves.

Related: Five Steps to Calm and Centered Even When Your Child is Out of Control